DOING GOD’S WILL IN MARRIAGE (2)

In my last post, I addressed the need for couples who have been led to each other by God, to continue to seek God in marriage in order to discover His purpose for their union and daily live out that purpose. 

Now, I want to address a misconception many lovebirds often hold on to, albeit subconsciously: ‘’If God led us to each other, everything will just work out fine; no need for any effort on my part.’’ Nothing could be further from the truth. Permit me to burst your bubble: Even when you marry according to God’s will, marriage is still H-A-R-D W-O-R-K! Marrying God’s will does not automatically guarantee marital success. You need to seek and do His will within that marriage. This can only be done when you have a good understanding of God’s word – the revealer of God’s will. So, today, I will share with you how you can ensure you keep doing God’s will in the different aspects that make up your marriage. 

DOING GOD’S WILL IN THE AREA OF COMMUNICATION

Communication is one aspect in which many couples struggle, yet guidance abounds in Scripture on how we can get it right in this crucial aspect of (marital) life. Let’s look at some verses of scripture that point out to us the mind of God concerning communication.

  • THINK BEFORE YOU TALK!

Yes. Process it before you spill it out! 

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift (Ephesians 4:29 MSG)

Let the fruit of your lips be a gift to your spouse, not a depriver that takes away from them.

  • SET IN MOTION THE LAW OF KINDNESS

A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1)

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness (Proverbs 31:26).

Like the virtuous woman, choose wisdom in your speech. Resist the temptation to give in to your emotions. Rather than give your spouse a piece of your mind, embrace wisdom and kindness instead. Choose to speak words that will bring peace and douse the flames, not words that will add fuel to the fire on ground. 

  • GUARD YOUR TONGUE WITH ALL DILIGENCE

Even as we guard our hearts above all that we guard, it is important that we extend the same vigilance to the words of our mouth, because death and life lie in the power of the tongue. Therefore, ‘’put a guard over your mouth and watch over the door to your lips’’ (Psalm 141:3). Practise keeping quiet when you are tempted to say something potentially volatile.

  • SWORDS ARE FOR THE ENEMY, NOT YOUR SPOUSE!

Yes. Swords are meant to cut down the enemy, not your spouse. 

Avoid rash words, because they are like swords (See Proverbs 12:18). Never pierce and strike down your partner with the words of your mouth. Build them up instead.

  • SEEK TO UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSE, NOT TO WIN THE ARGUMENT

When an argument ensues, we often believe we are the one who is right, and the other person just needs to keep quiet and listen to our own point of view. However, a more beneficial approach would be to give to the other person (in this case our spouse), the listening ear and understanding that we also seek for ourselves. So, rather than seeking to only say your bit, seek to listen with an open mind and to understand your spouse’s position.

Let every person be quick to listen but slow to speak… (James 1:19) 

Let each of you look out, not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others… (1 Corinthians 10:24).

  • SPEAK THE TRUTH, BUT DO IT IN LOVE

Aren’t you glad that God dishes out the truth to us, with large spoonfuls of grace and love? He doesn’t condemn us with the truth that He reveals. He ensues truth is served hand in hand with grace and love. Let us endeavour to do the same with our spouses, especially when the truth to be told pertains to a flaw we have observed in them. May God’s wisdom always abound to you, that you may always know how to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

Can you share with me some of the ways through which we can do God’s will in the area of communication in our marriages?

 

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