LESSONS FOR SINGLES FROM MY TEN-YEAR MARITAL JOURNEY

Ten years ago, I began my happily ever after journey with Tolu, my God-sent sweetheart. Looking back, I can see it’s been 10 years of God’s love, grace and faithfulness to me.  Right now, I see that God started extending His love towards me even as an ignorant single lady who knew next to nothing about dating and living purposefully and seeking God’s will for marriage. He has taken me from where I was as a clueless single, into a marriage of beauty and purpose. To help you on your own singleness journey, I’ll share with you some lessons I’ve learnt over the years; lessons that can serve you as a single preparing for a marriage of purpose and bliss.

LESSON #1: GIVE YOUR BROKEN HEART TO GOD; HE WILL DO A PERFECT JOB OF MENDING IT.

I had just finished my Masters in the UK and marriage appeared to be the next logical line of action. So, I flew back to Nigeria to get engaged and start marriage plans, but it all ended in shattered hopes and premium tears. My then sweetheart broke my heart and left me wondering what I had done wrong. 

Although painful at the time, that experience worked out for my good. In my broken state, I turned to God and He began the perfect work of healing and redirecting me. He gave me clarity and led me to the church He wanted me to move to at that point in my life, and He eventually led me to the life partner He had prepared for me. He turned my pain to profit and brought me to a place where I can counsel and help those with broken hearts to start their journey to recovery…

Have you had your heart broken by a beloved boyfriend/girlfriend you were already considering spending your lifetime with? It’s an unpalatable event and I understand the emotions that come with that kind of experience. However, I also know first-hand, the wonders that God can do on a broken heart that has been handed over to Him. So I encourage you to give Him all the broken pieces of your heart. Cry out for His help; let Him heal you and also lead you to godly therapists who would help you get started on the road to recovery. The pain will go and you will smile and love again.

LESSON # 2: KEEP CALM AND LET GOD ORDER YOUR STEPS.

If you’ve read my book Grace Junkie (If you haven’t, don’t snooze any longer; go get it right away!), you’ll remember I mentioned in there that I worked in an insurance company upon my return to Nigeria, after my Masters in the UK. Working in an Insurance company wasn’t exactly anywhere on my career dream list, but God ordered my steps into that space where I eventually met my husband (he was a colleague in my office).

Life may not be playing out exactly as you want, but trust God through it all. Trust that your heavenly father will work everything out for your good, even if your human reasoning cannot fathom how it will all add up at the end of the day. Focus on believing God, declaring His word and maximizing each day. When you do these, you give God permission to move in your life and accomplish the seemingly impossible.

LESSON #3: ON THE ROAD TO SAYING ‘’I DO’’, YOU NEED GODLY COUNSEL

Getting it right in marriage was a priority for my mum, where my choice of a life partner was concerned. She prayed endlessly for me that God’s will alone would find expression in my marriage. When I told her about my fiancé’s proposal, she insisted we both pray and fast to get divine direction before taking any other step. I’m forever grateful for my mother’s spiritual fervency at that time of my life. She contributed her quota in ensuring I started out in marriage on a God-ordained footing.

In the journey to saying ‘’I do’’, godly parental guidance is key. As your dating relationship progresses into something more serious, carry your parents along (especially if they are the godly, praying type) and let them help you spot existing red flags, avoid pitfalls and make wise choices. If you do not have parents you can trust to guide you aright, seek out godly mentors, pastors, parent-figures and counsellors who can give you the guidance and insight you need before you decide to make a lifelong commitment to your suitor. Your future self will thank you for making that wise move. 

LESSON #4: KNOW GOD FOR YOURSELF

Being surrounded by godly counsellors does not take away the need for you to know and hear God for yourself.  Marriage is not one of those ventures you undertake based on ‘‘my pastor said I should marry him/her’’, or ‘‘my parents consulted a prophet who said I should marry XYZ’’. You want to first of all seek God’s face (in prayer and study of His word), clearly discern His leading (where choosing a life partner is concerned), and then, seek confirmation from the godly channels around you. Your years as a single person provide you with a golden opportunity to cultivate your relationship with your heavenly father; I enjoin you to do exactly that in this precious season of your life.

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I hope these lessons resonate with you and have brought some light to your path.

I’m passionate about equipping singles with the tools they need to step into marriages of purpose and have unions that promote the Kingdom of heaven here on earth. If you are interested in having the marriage of your dreams, one that heaven applauds, sign up to join my singles mentoring hub God’s Prepared Singles today! The mentoring hub is a safe space where I get to hold your hand and teach you all you need to know and who you need to be before saying ‘’I do’’. It’s a power-packed boot camp where singles get to discover their God-given identity and begin to align with Heaven’s design for life and for marriage in particular.   

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