Marriage and movies! lol!
So I watched the movie, Bling Lagosians. It has such a heavy message for marriages. The daughters, their parents and more. I love this movie and i recommend it. Some great relationship lessons in it and will be highlighting them.
I enjoyed watching Bling Lagosians even though it needed my attention and in this time of my life, I just want to look at this screen for 2 minutes and understand what has happened in the past 20 minutes and will happen in the next 10 minutes but my Nigerian movies which I’m a huge fan of are gradually shifting away from that heavily and I’m proud. We are churning out more engaging movies but let’ s leave Nollywood alone..
Whilst I’d love to review the whole movie, I’d narrow today’s blog post to one of Holloway’s two daughters – Demidun Tade-Smith, the older daughter whose marriage is the focus of today’s post.
You should watch the movie if you haven’t, but the older sister was shown as a lady whose husband never wanted to be around her, physically, sexually, and generally. He managed to eat at the table with her with so much disgust. He was always on the move, to make it worse he was a pilot. i was confused. Even worst is the fact that everyone thought she had a beautiful home especially as she was a marriage coach and she did a good job painting the picture perfect to her friend. As the movie went on, I wondered what was wrong with their marriage. The straight jacket conclusion is, rich girl marriage, wasn’t a mutual interest and marriage decision, hence husband was cheating with his ideal lady, or ladies. that is usually the story, but apparently not, at least not this time. She cheated on him at some point when she travelled out of the country and that had put a permanent wall in their marriage that went on till the very end of the movie. Adultery is better not experienced so do all you can to keep it out of your marriage story. Pray it away too.
Women also cheat and contrary to what we always think, it’s not usually the fault of the other spouse when the other cheats, hardly ever is. What I find in a nutshell is that the cheating spouse just stopped being intentional and that’s the situation of many marriages. That person stopped bothering, stopped being responsible and stopped honouring God. Whether it was for a split second or more, they not only stopped, they walked their way into compromising situations.
Adultery doesn’t just happen. It’s the same way we commit sin against God. It starts with a disengagement in the mind, a freedom-like feeling that you aren’t responsible to anyone. Sometimes it’s a disappointment or dissatisfaction with their marriage relationship that leads to that disengagement but it is the first step many take into adultery. Then they begin to divert affection from their spouse to another. This is where and when the unfaithful spouse begins to get blindfolded and walks the path to sin. Then it begins to deteriorate.
Adultery is not an impulsive decision, it usually, 97% of the time isn’t. Your mind had started to disengage and exit your marriage. Your mind then begins to wander and to fantasize unrealistic expectations of what a new relationship can do and how much you need such even though it is wrong. If you can find yourself in any of these stages, it’s important to pause and retrace your steps back. Make a desperate move to review your marriage relationship and fill every hole of lack of communication, intimacy, satisfaction, understanding, time , sexual activity an dpleasure , etc. If your marriage has a few of the above listed, be sure that your partner has not already checked out and make desperate moves to get your marriage back on track.
Take intentional steps to revive your relationship with your spouse. Seek out the reasons for disengagement or the cause of the disappointment you feel about your marriage relationship or spouse and begin to address it privately or through a marriage coach. You can book a session with me and I will be delighted to walk you both back into a marriage of bliss. It is important if you find yourself at any stage to carefully seek out an accountability partner and make yourself accountable. Immediately! The sin of adultery is deep and consequences are far reaching into generations after, you bet you don’t need the extra baggage in your life.
So how have you stopped being intentional? In your patience, your tolerance, your speech, your concern, your acts of love and service, you time, etc
How can you walk your way back from now?
What three steps can you take to being the intentional spouse who is relentless in building a joyful and purposeful home with their spouse? What’s holding you back, start making those steps I beseech you!
Do you want to talk, I am happy to have a 20 minutes free consultation call with you. Use my contact button above.
You will find a lot to help build your marriage in my new book, Marriage on Purpose
Praying God’s grace for you
Your marriage & relationship Coach,